last thoughts

1. Panamanian children are incredibly well behaved. In the whole of our trip, we saw maybe two kids who were loud or fussy. Most of them waited at bus stops silently. I would like to know what they put in the water.
2. Chocolate is not really popular here. There are very few chocolate selections at the cash register. M&Ms and Dairy Milk bars are imported and that is about all there is.
3. Other than the Panama Canal museum at the Miraflores Locks on the second day, we did not go inside a single building besides hotels and restaurants and grocery shops. Everything we did was outside.
4. Panamanians do not understand the plantain.
5. If you are thinking of traveling to Panama, you should bring plenty of T shirts and a big ol' can of bug spray. It is super humid and nothing sweaty or beachy will dry unless you get a place with a/c. If you want to have the best time ever, make sure to bring your cuddly boyfriend who will listen to you complain about bug bites, put up with your blank stare arguments, and make sure that you get enough vegetarian food to eat. If you are really lucky, he will give you massages and kiss you to sleep and even lend you his comfy black sweatpant shorts to wear when all of your pants are in the wash because you fell on your butt in the mud in the middle of a rainforest. I love you, dude!
   

first class!

We got our 8:00am flight easy enough -- the airport is located a few blocks from Bocas Town, and you can walk right onto the runway if you wanted. The flight left a bit late and we were both sweating it because there was not a lot of time between that and our connecting international flight. The plane was one of those sixteen-seaters with propellers. It was really loud, but pretty smooth and had a great view.

Once landed, we booked it to get a taxi because the domestic airport is on the opposite side of the city as the international airport. Juan the taxi driver assured us that we had plenty of time. He was right, it turned out. There was no traffic whatsoever, perhaps owing to it being Saturday morning. We even had time to shop around the duty free before our second flight boarded.

Here is where I regale you with tales of our FIRST CLASS SEATS experience. Yes, that's right, I said first class, row 2. The seats were wide and comfy and there was ample leg room that neither of us could even take full advantage of given our height (or lack thereof). In addition to hot towels, eye shades, and a dedicated flight attendant, we were served the following:

• pre-flight orange juice
• a menu
• drinks (Baileys for me, obviously)
• pretzel snacks in a ceramic dish (I'm pretty sure they just opened the little snack pack foil wrapper and poured it into a bowl.)
  
• appetizers (corn soup! in a ceramic bowl! With a fabric table-cloth!)
• main course which was artfully displayed on white ceramic plates, like how they would be served in a restaurant, and not like how they are usually served in plastic tubs in coach class)
• dessert (ice cream sundae!)
• plentiful drinks
• a second meal of toasted avocado/tomato/cheese sandwich served on nice plates yet again

We both read for most of the trip, played a little cards, slept a bit, and needless to say, were completely stuffed by the time the plane landed. (The flight was only seven hours.) Los Angeles looked gray and cold from above. We got through immigration and customs with no problems but unfortunately also with no new stamps. Nadiv's mom picked us up in the greeting hall, and with that, the trip was done!

We had a fabulous time.

bocas, day five

This morning I got up very quickly and packed very quickly and ate breakfast very quickly, much to Nadiv's surprise. He was not aware that I could move faster than a sloth. Breakfast was made by cook Sonia and included a breakfast omelet and German bread (made with the blood of Jews).

We left Bastimentos to spend our last day on Isla Colon. Our flight left the following day and we were a little concerned about getting a water taxi at 6 am. In Bocas Town, we found a super sweet place to stay at. It was a few blocks away from the main drag and built on the edge of the water with a huge wooden living room deck. The owners, surfers Mike and Jaime, are from Venice Beach. This place had hot showers and a jacuzzi AND COUCHES so it was like decision made.

It took four hours to get our room ready for some reason. In the meantime, we played several rounds of Bananagrams, which is like the funnest game ever! You might know this game as "Australian rules scrabble" but it's more fun when you call it Bananagrams. I beat Nadiv twice.

Then we took a bus to Play del Drago. Everyone had been telling us how great this beach was, and I mean EVERYONE. But it kind of sucked. It was overcast and the sand was wet. We saw a few starfish in the water. There were no waves at all and Nadiv swam out far without my having a heart attack. However, there were stingers in the water (sand flies?) and after fifteen minutes it started to drizzle. I managed for a bit with the umbrella, but then the rain got harder and it was just kind of miserable to be out. As we walked back to the bus stop ("bus stop") it started to pour. We took shelter at beach restaurant and ordered somewhat tasty Caribbean food which I refused to eat slowly. It came with patacones, which were, of course, terrible.

When we got back, we jumped in the jacuzzi (but not before Nadiv jumped in the ocean again). JACUZZI!!!!!!! It was one of those above ground ones that you see for sale at the County Fair. I am definitely buying one when I move somewhere with a yard.

Pre-dinner Bananagrams game! We are so competitive and the Bananagrams frenzy was so great -- Mike kept egging us on -- that Nadiv accidentally tossed one of his tiles too hard and it fell off the table and through the slats of the deck into the ocean! Mike said he had to go get it. I don't think that Nadiv was upset for a minute He quickly stripped off his clothes and jumped in the water. It was pretty shallow under the deck. He found the tile after a few minutes and some scrapes from barnacles were the only casualty. (Jaime was appalled that Mike made Nadiv jump in and she kept saying that since it was a V tile, it would be fine left in the ocean. "No one likes that tile, anyhow.")

For dinner, we went to Natural Mystic, and all veggie hippie reggae hookah bar restaurant. It was frickin awesome and a perfect place to eat our last meal. The food was DELICIOUS and the lights were all covered with red fabric and the hookah was grape and the band was pretty good. I didn't really want to leave, but we had to pack and before that, I had to visit every grocery store to purchase Intenso cookies.

I did not find Intensos. But I did stop in every grocery store.

Back at our place, we packed our stuff and then watched the local geckos hang out on our walls and ceiling. Nadiv read on his Kindle, and I fell asleep in a quick second.

bocas, day four: family dinner

Family dinner at Tio Tom's is like eating with your own family, if you happen to have a German uncle who drinks a lot and fancies himself the Blackest White Man in the Caribbean.

My dinner was tasty -- grilled vegies (including chayote), fried eggplant, rosemary potatoes, mojito. The company was fun and we talked about the island and about chayote and the Panamanian president and the fact that Tio Tom means Uncle Tom. (Yes, they know.) Everyone was in good spirits. Tom had been drinking all afternoon and was in especially good spirits. Tia Ina tried to shut him up by kissing him on the mouth but that only lasted a few seconds and then on he went.

I left to purchase chocolate and ice cream and when we were done eating, Nadiv and I got ready for bed and then sat in our cabin watching and listening to the rain fall on the water outside. It was a delicious night.

bocas, day four: cave day!

I will admit freely that I was scared shitless of going on this cave adventure. I do not normally mind caves, and I am not afraid of bats, but I am afraid of caves with water on account of the possibility of water rising up and cutting off all of the air. BUT I decided to suck it up and be a good girlfriend and take the risk because Nadiv was soooooo excited.

We got our own tour guide, Mitch, a Bocas man through and through who was born on the island. He took us in his boat out to the end of Bastimentos and then through the mangroves. We had to slow way down because the channel was narrow and there were lots of plants and vines overhead. We saw a lot of birds and a bunch of crabs. It was like The Jungle Ride at Disneyland, only real.

Then we disembarked and took a muddy walk through this guy Juan's property and then arrived at THE CAVE.

The cave was large and the water was ankle deep at first. There were bats overhead and when you shined your flashlight on them, you could see their round bodies wiggling upside down, suspended from the ceiling. Water was dripping from stalactites up above. It was soon pitch black. Thank god for my headlamp.

After a few minutes of slow walking, the water deepened significantly. We set aside the camera (wrapped in several ziplock bags) and waded through. When we were waist deep, I peed my pants. On purpose. (When I told Nadiv, he said, "Oh yeah, me too.") This calmed me down significantly and from then on, I wasn't scared.

We went farther into the cave and the water got deeper. It was up to my neck in a few places. But it felt cool and refreshing compared to the humidity in the cave. We kept going and got to a swimming pit with a waterfall pouring in. It was eerily beautiful in the glow of the flashlights. Bats were still flying through, occasionally.

Eventually, we had to come out. We were dripping wet. We walked back past Juan's land and back into our boat and we motored on out of the mangroves and then into open water to Old Bank.

The caves were pretty fucking awesome and I am soooooo glad we went. Here is a list of animals we saw today:

1. various birds
2. crustaceans
3. bats
4. red frogs
5. monkeys playing in trees
6. a sloth!!!!!!!

Later in the evening, Nadiv was finally moved to take a shower with soap.

the long, muddy, trek to wizard beach

After the chocolate farm, we made a quick stop at the local Thai place to make reservations. This was indeed a quick stop -- about three minutes away -- and then we came down the mountain on an easy, paved path.

Then there was some napping in our sea cabin and some discussion about my Blank Stare Argument. Construction on the Old Bank docks was well underway, so the napping was cut short and we decided to embark on a hike to visit Wizard Beach.

We donned covered shoes and dosed ourselves with a generous spraying of Off! Deep Woods! bug repellent. We packed Nadiv's waterproof bag with sarongs and books. I removed my contact lenses in anticipation of swimming in the ocean. We set off!

And then we suffered through sixty minutes of mountain and muck and bugs and swamp. At the top of the mountain, we lost the trail and had to sludge through muddy jungle. It was steep and we picked up some hiking sticks to help us out. Both of us almost fell several times. At one point, we found a small stream that was heading down and so we followed it (getting wet) until it finally wound its way onto the beach. Emerging from the foliage, we leapt out onto the sand. We were both splattered with mud and wet up to our ankles, dragging heavy wooden sticks along the sand. A group of sunbathers looked upon our entrance in confusion. The official path lay some hundred meters up the beach.

Wizard Beach turned out to be rather disappointing. The surf was nasty and violent and after yesterday's riptide incident, we agreed that Nadiv was not going to be wave diving. He frolicked in waist-high water while I sat at the water's edge and covered my legs with wet sand. The current was extremely strong and even I could feel it pulling at my legs on its way in.

After an hour, it was time to dry off and head back. We needed to get to the top of the mountain before dark, and we weren't sure how fast going even the official path would be. It turned out to be just as muddy as ever, although wider and with many signposts courtesy of the chocolate farm leading the way. Our walking sticks were a godsend. We managed to nip in and out of the chocolate farm for some more truffles and arrived at our Thai restaurant right as dusk was falling.

Dinner was delicious. We sat on a porch dangling over the jungle. It was pristine. The only sounds were from patrons eating. The rainforest surrounded us and we could see lights glittering on the water far away. We ate slowly and lazily, savoring the peacefulness.

Let's look on the bright side of our jungle trek with some highlights:

• Seeing several red frogs on our hike
• The other two gentlemen on the beach watching while I changed into my bathing suit
• A supreme beach jumping picture
• Tasty dinner -- our second good meal of the day! (and second good meal of the trip!)
• Chocolate truffles for dessert

Coming back down over the concrete path was easy. We read on the deck hammocks for a bit and then snuggled and then went to sleep.

bocas, day three

Wednesday!

Awakened to kids screaming! Right outside our door! Evidently, they were playing a game called, "Run and Scream." This was followed by an even more enthusiastic round of, "Animal Noises."

We packed up our stuff and took off to Tio Tom's Cabin, which means, Uncle Tom's Cabin. Ironic? It is run by a German couple, Ina and Tom, who moved to Isla Bastimentos back in 1996. The place is charming and impeccable-- wooden deck perched over the water, hammocks under an overhang, cabin with windows propped open by wooden poles, plenty of hooks and lines on which to hang things, lots of maps and information about the island, shelves of books and games to play with, and a family dinner every evening with the hosts. Our room was airy with three windows and cozy with a rocker and a cabin bed.

Isla Bastimentos is not nearly as touristy as Isla Colon. Though there are several hostels and restaurants that cater to travelers, the majority of inhabitants in their Old Bank area are Caribbean (Black). They speak English and a patois called Guari Guari. When you listen to this dialect, you are certain it is English until you've been straining to understand for several sentences and still cannot make out a single clause. It is charming to hear after a week of Spanish.

Nadiv and I took a walk around the point of the island, past where the sidewalk ends-- there are no roads on Bastimentos-- and into a scattered neighborhood in the jungle. The ocean waves were strong and hitting right up to the shore. Many houses we partly built or partly falling down. Some looks completely deserted and others looked like a grand place for a romantic tryst. There was construction going on somewhere and workers kept passing us in their galoshes.

When we came to the end of the dirt path, we doubled back and ate lunch in town at a place called Roots. It was recommended by Sonia, the cook at Tio Tom's. We had to follow two guys in dreads carrying roosters to get there. (Just another ordinary day.) Roots had a sprawling deck with a bazillion tables and chairs made out of tree stumps. The food was legit and tasty. I got coconut rice and beans and grilled vegetables in "Caribbean sauce." Nadiv got chicken in creole sauce and fries. We shared a banana/papaya shake. We pronounced this our first good meal in the country.

With our bellies full, we decided to take a "quick look" at the organic chocolate farm up the hill from Old Bank. The chocolate place turned out to be a twenty minute trek up a muddy, muddy mountain. But it was all worth it in the end because the truffles we ordered were TO DIE FOR. I know at times this blog delves into food porn territory, but allow me to pontificate here since the food thus far has been tedious and unworthy.

We ordered three chocolate truffles and a lemonade. The day was hot and humid and we had just hiked up the entire southern side of the island. There were mosquitoes about. The chocolate place afforded us a shady porch and surprisingly comfortable wooden deck chairs. We smelled a bunch of their lotions and Nadiv admired some more man jewelry.

Our truffles arrived in an oblong wooden dish, three golf-ball sized peas in a pod. Two were covered in coconut flakes and one was rolled in cocoa powder. They were chilled to harden. Inside, there was creamy chocolate mixed with chewy chocolate mixed with graham crackers. The lemonade was cold and tart with just the right amount of sugar. It balanced out the sweetness explosion of the chocolate truffles.

There. I'm done.

As we left, I vowed to come back again. That night.

bocas, day two

Nadiv woke up at 7:30 to the soothing Caribbean sounds of children screaming right outside our door. I slept until 9:30.

We spent the morning in Bocas Town doing some business. We got money from the ATMs, which were thankfully working. We had a delicious breakfast (our first tasty meal in this country) next to two New Yorkers, who gladly shared all their advice on the islands. We bought some super-power bug spray and I got to do internet. We also walked to the airport and bought plane tickets to get back to Panama City. Nadiv was quietly outraged that the transaction took a whole hour and decided that he doesn't like "island time." I have no sense of time so it did not bother me.

We spent the afternoon at Red Frog Beach, which has regular beach sand and big waves a lots of people. We spotted our first two Israeli guys which I consider a big accomplishment. We have seen far fewer Israelis than I counted on. It has been rather disappointing.

We took a long walk up the beach away from people. The shore was littered with fallen trees, but the sand was clean and the effect was beautiful wilderness. We saw some snails on trunks, took some pictures, and marveled at nature. We walked quite a ways until the sand gave way to jungle and there was no way to pass without starting a trek. The way back was much faster and we saw a red frog in the bushes!

After that, I spread out the sarongs and tried to read on the beach while Nadiv played in the water. He almost died in a riptide but got out just in time. I say, "almost died" because that was what I was thinking the whole time while standing on the shore and trying to wave him in. He wasn't noticing (or caring) that everyone else had gotten out of the water. He also didn't hear the people next to me whistling and shouting. A Caribbean dude was walking up to groups of people asking if Nadiv was with them, and when I said that he was my boyfriend, he busted out a string of urgent Spanish that I understood as, "He is about to drown and must get out now." (I have no idea if that's what was said.) Eventually Nadiv noticed me waving and got out, probably about five minutes later, but since I have no sense of time and was on the verge of panic, it seemed like an eternity. What was going through my head was this: I have taken my lovely boyfriend to a beautiful island and now I have to watch him float away into the ocean. Dramatic? I know.

The riptide experience put a damper on the whole beach vibe, so we left to find a new hotel. On Isla Bastimentos we found an awesome place right on the water for dirt cheap. Nadiv met a local girl and fell in love with her. Her name was Naomi. You might think that I was jealous but she was only seven years old.

Back on Isla Careneros, the sunset from Los Balcones was stunning and we chatted with the owner while watching from the dock. We took showers and then Nadiv folded the twenty shirts he brought and tried on each one. He ended up with -- surprise! -- a black Polo tee.

We ate dinner at the worst Thai restaurant ever, Lemongrass. If you should happen to find yourself on Isla Colon in Bocas del Toro, do not go there. Not only was the food not Thai, it tasted bad. They even fucked up fried calamari rings, which Nadiv says is nearly impossible to do. (Have you ever had bad onion rings?)

After dinner we played cards on la balcone of Los Balcones. The breeze off the water felt great even though it was blowing the cards around. Nadiv accidentally got the night guard to make him a rum and coke. Then he busted out the Smirnoff Ices he bought on the main island and drank like a real man.

a hill, a boat, and a tard

Monday morning was touch-and-go. We checked out of the Lost and Found on the early side because we had to make it down the mountain and you can never tell when a bus will come by and stop for you. The rain had stopped and it was lovely outside and we were able to enjoy the short hike down from the hostel to the road. It was not at all creepy in the sunlight-- charming, actually.

We caught a bus within twenty minutes but it was already full, so we got to stand in the aisle. I will remind you that these are van buses and when one stands in the aisle, your butt ends up right near someone´s face. I was leaning over to steady myself on the seat backs and view the incredible vistas as we descended the mountain. We passed several waterfalls and a huge dam. There was a really cute boy wearing shorts overalls who kept exclaiming, "Mira! Mira!" everytime we passed one. It was precious. Nadiv was not as enthralled because he was getting quite carsick. The road was twisty and the ride lasted for three hours. He took some Dramamine to minimal effect.

After the bus ride to Almirante, we had to take a water taxi to Isla Colon, which is the main island in Bocas del Toro. We met an Israeli guy in line named Yehuda. He told us that we had to relax in Central America, which is ironic coming from an Israeli. (Have you ever seen anyone calm who has lived in Israel?) We also met this very happy Brittish guy, whom we will call Mr. Jolly. We´re lucky that he was so nice because I squeezed his shoulder and buried my head in his arm for the majority of the bumpy boat ride. It was scary and a bit nauseating.

Upon our arrival to Bocas Town on Isla Colon, we experienced what I would like to call The Dramamine Episode. I had taken a Dramamine on the mainland in anticipation of the boat ride. The drowsy side effect started to kick in a few minutes after we stepped off the boat. Nadiv describes the Episode thusly: "You were essentially retarded for two hours." I could not finish my sentences and moved in a more sloth-like fashion than usual. All I wanted to do was lay down on the street and go to sleep.

Here is where Marcus the tout started following us around and blabbing about everything on the island. It was really unclear what he was trying to get us to buy. He followed us up and down the streets of the town even after we told him that we were doing some errands before taking a boat. He followed us to the bank where both ATMs (the only ones in the whole archipelago) were broken. He was following us to the pay phone when I blurted out, "Stop talking!!!!!" because his constant babble (in broken English) was annoying me through my drugged state. At this, his whole body became rigid and his face got mad and he lashed out at me for being rude. Thankfully we were almost at the payphone and could escape him.

A one dollar water taxi ride later, and we were at our hotel Los Balcones on Carinero Island. Surprise! They gave away our room! So we were granted an "upgrade." In end, we got a really big room that was not all that great and didn´t have a nice view.

We walked to get dinner at Bibi´s restaurant. I was still in a stupor but managed to beat Nadiv at cards several times. We experienced the wonderful waiter/guide Fabien and I tasted the vegetable cheyote for the first time. (Almost like a cucumber-jicama hybrid, but cooked.) Along with the rest of my dish came a side of patacones, which were gross. No surprise there.

Eventually I woke up just in time to walk back after dinner. We hung out a bit and then went to sleep to the sound of water lapping.

lost and found

Here is where I tell you about the fantastic day that we spent in the La Fortuna rainforest. The Lost and Found hostel where we were staying was like a huge tree house in the forest. They had a lot of food ingredients stocked away and we were able to make some delicious vegetable omelettes and toast for breakfast. Then we rested for a bit in our cozy bunk in the dorms while it rained outside.

Determined to get out, we geared up for a hike despite the rain. Nadiv tied a rope around his middle on top of his poncho and resembled a shepard. I had to return to the room five times to retrieve things I forgot. We set off for the top of the mountain with some wooden hiking sticks.

The hike up to the mirador was muddy and drippy but beautiful. We were truly in a rainforest and surrounded by lush green trees. The rain came in waves and there was wind, too. It was really good that we had our walking sticks because part of the trail was up a rather steep incline and we had to foist ourselves up. The mud was also very slippery and the sticks helped to stabalize. I did slip on my butt on the way down.

We saw:

• bright orange fungus
• a rainbow at the top
• lots of mud
• cloud cover

We did not see:

• the vista (on account of all the cloud cover) (this being a cloud forest and all)

The afternoon was spent reading, watching movies, and hanging out with the other hostel peeps. The rain got harder and harder and the wind picked up. It was really loud and cold. I made mac-n-cheese for dinner and Nadiv reported several days later that it was the worst macaroni he has ever eaten.

Happy Hour!!! This was one of the funnest happy hours I´ve been to. A lot of people came to hang out in the bar area because there was not much else to do on account of the rain. We played a sick hand of Uno (with a new German rule that makes it super fun) and drank and then began the fooseball tournament!! I will fully admit here that I have really never played fooseball before and am therefor terrible. However, I was paired up with Ben, one of the volunteers at the hostel who does not wear deoderant, and he was pretty awesome! We won!!!!! I got a beer bought for me for each round that we won, and I gave them all away. It was really exciting and now I fancy myself a beginner plus.

Possibly the best moment in the evening was when Nadiv thought these girls Amalia and Emily were a couple and he kept dropping a bunch of hints that he had worked in gay bars in San Francisco and was familiar with this and that lesbian bar and then finally he asked if Emily´s parents minded that she was dating a non-Jewish girl. Turns out they were not a couple and not even gay. I was busy winning the fooseball tournament at the time but I can assure you that when I finished and came to hang out, this is all we talked about for thirty minutes.

Then there was more hanging out and some drinking games and Nadiv had too much to drink. Later, I read in bed next to him while he lay moaning on his stomach. (My assistance was refused several times because, I quote, "This is not my first rodeo.¨) Eventually he started snoring so I figured it was ok to turn out the lights and go to sleep.

The wind and the rain continued their loud howling all night long.

found!

We were met by hostel volunteer Judith, who gave us an incredibly detailed tour of the place. She managed to abstain from explaining how the doorknobs worked but little else escaped her introduction. Apparently the management had given away our room -- they didn´t think we would show up so late. (We arrived at nine.)

We fooled them! I am not afraid to hike in the dark! In a foreign country! Without a map! Not speaking the language! Though I probably should be!

The dorm was a very tall barn-like building with three layers of bunks going up to the ceiling. We chose a bed on the second level. It was a bed built for two people - big mattress, not a normal bunk bed type. We chose the next door bed to lay out all of our bags.

As I got ready for a shower, we were pulled into a room to be shown a spider presentation by this Oxford researcher who has been collecting specimen from the area. He showed us several of his catches, a few of them being a newly discovered species. The last spiders he showed us were dead and he pulled them out of a jar from the refrigerator. I am not exaggerating when I tell you that they were larger than my hand with all the fingers outstretched. Think of the biggest tarantulas you have ever seen and then multiply that by five. It was sick. It was also fascinating. Unfortunately, I didn´t have the camera with me. The spider looked like this but imagine it with legs twice as long.

After show and tell, I took a very hot shower and Nadiv drank most of a bottle of rum. We both had a pasta dinner and chatted with Spiderman for a bit and then went to bed. The dorm bunk bed turned out to be really cozy.

dias de los buses

1. First bus we took from El Valle down the mountain to the Panamerican highway. We caught it after waiting for only a minute and we got to sit next to each other and it was super easy and fast.
   
2. Second bus we took after waiting for over an hour next to the highway. This bus traveled an hour or so to Penonome, which is in the middle of the country. We met a nice American girl named Julie who ended up being our translator for most of our transport.
   
3. Third bus went from Penonome to Santiago. On this bus we met a Belgium family. This bus also left from an actual bus station and we got to eat and I got to pee for the first time.
   
4. Our fourth bus went to David, which is the major city on the left side of the country. This bus was real bus sized and had reclining seats that reclined as much as airplane seats. (Read: not much.) This bus was three hours long. At this point both of us had reached bus saturation.
5. Our fifth bus went from David to Guanaca. It was short and sweet.
6. Finally, we took a "taxi" (which was really a car owned by this guy Romero) up the mountain until the base of Lost and Found hostel. It is located in the La Fortuna rain forest. It is not on the map but it was about a third of the way between David and Almirante at the top of a mountain. The ride up the mountain took us into cloud forest territory and there were parts of the road that were so shrouded in fog that you couldn´t seen more than fifteen feet ahead.
   
7. After being dropped off, we hiked up the Lost and Found trail in the pitch black. Luckily we had a head lamp and a flashlight. At one point we took a wrong turn and found ourselves in front of a creepy abandoned barn. After turning back, the real hike took about fifteen minutes more in the pitch black and then we FINALLY REACHED LOST AND FOUND HOSTEL!!!!!!!!
   

If you look at my Panama map, you will be able to trace this route. Then you can see in person how far we traveled and how incredibly boring it must have been.

new years

New Years Eve totally sucked. Barely anyone was out on the street and our dinner at Canadian bar was just so-so and we got into a fight and walked to the end of the city (it´s four blocks long) in empty streets and then right before midnight we raced eachother back into the center and Nadiv beat me and we watched fireworks go off for ten minutes. Then Nadiv bought a boatload of fireworks and we set those off in the middle of the street and it was loud and colorful and exciting. There were drunk men about and fireworks still going off and random cars driving in the street. Back at our hotel we met some cool chicks from San Francisco and talked to them. 2011 so far was disappointing so I think that tomorrow night I will do it again for reals.

el valle, day two

I woke this morning at dawn and looked out the window above our bed. Sunlight was streaming up around La Dormida, the mountain which overshadows the town. The sunrise was splendid, and it also meant no rain!!! I went back to sleep and we both got up at about nine thirty, which is perfect sleeping in time for vacation.

We ate breakfast at the downstairs restaurant. I ordered faux Arroz de la Cuba (see all my notes on Peru), but it was so not good. The plantains, which are normally sweet and somewhat juicy, were smushed and fried in salty dough. These are called patacones. The Panamanians took a delicious food and managed to make it completely unpalatable. Even in ketchup they were gross.

El Valle Day Two´s events were to include the El Nispero zoo and the hot springs. Lonely Planet warns that people who are sensitive to animals in cages should avoid this zoo. I can second that one hundred percent although the animal empathy wears off after twenty minutes or so. This zoo had no paved roads and no advertisements for Steve Irwin (see notes for Australia). Just a lot of grass and a lot of animals in cages. We saw the following non-American animals:

• tapir (ugly!!!)
• ostrich (Nadiv touched its beak!)
• very loud sheep (I know sheep are American but these were so loud they must have been a Panamanian variety or something)
• birds, birds, and more birds
• also chickens (possibly to feed the other animals with? There is no other reason to display four hundred chickens at a zoo.)
• the golden frog, Panama´s national animal, and other frogs
• crocodile
• monkeys
• a sloth!! My kindred spirit!!

Overall, the zoo was A+, even though we both got bitten very badly on our ankles and legs.

After the zoo, we rented bikes and went to the hot springs. These were a sad affair. There were like four other people there and the whole place looked like it was created by a concrete enthusiast who had a thing for circles. There was one large tub of water that was luke-warm and brownish. Two older gentlemen were sitting in there. There was a station where you apply your own mud mask and then another station where you sit with your legs in a pool waiting for your mask to dry. This second station resembled a large bathtub and also contained brown water. Also, most importantly, we were informed that the hot springs weren´t really hot because all of the recent rain cooled down the pools.

I managed to convince Nadiv to stay and even to put mud on his face. While we waited in the bathtub for our faces to dry, we met a nice Italian family and chatted about our trips. They told us about the Panamanian New Years tradition of creating a life size stuffed scarecrow person and burning it at midnight. As it burns, it gets rid of all the bad spirits and memories from the year past. We had seen numerous stuffed figures on the side of the highway yesterday and even at the zoo this morning. This sounded like an awesome tradition.

After rinsing off the mud, we all moved to the larger pool where about fifteen other people were already standing and joking and having fun in the water. The hot springs turned out to be kind of fun, because the pool was filled and we had some nice conversations and I discovered that I could tread water quite better than the rest. We soon forget that the water was dirty and to be honest, since it was so hot outside the lukewarm water felt pretty good.

Back at the ranch, we met a monkey type animal named Monica and then chillaxed on the rooftop hammocks.

el valle, day one

This morning we wake up at 8:00, courtesy of the alarm clock, had our stuff packed and out the door to the Allbrook Mall all bright and shiny. Nadiv bought new sunglasses (faux Ray Bans) and uber slow Taco Bell, which tasted "zero different than Taco Bell in the U.S." The mall on a Thursday morning was a much more tame affair.

I picked choice seats on our bus, with a full windshield view and extra leg room as we were behind the door. The buses here are like large vans with several rows. They smush in however many people they can hold and then some. We didn´t know this yet. Also, we didn´t know that a bus guy would stand on the stairs for the entire trip so he could open the door quickly and shout our destination to every person standing on the side of the road.

The only highlight of the bus trip was driving on the Puente de las Americas bridge. It connects South America to North America. We went over it.

We arrived in El Valle in the pouring rain. After getting our cute room on the third floor of a restaurant/hotel, we donned ponchos and rain shoes and took a jumping picture in the middle of the street. Classic.

On to El Macho! Which means, "The Waterfall!" Nadiv had originally given me the privilege to choose between the zoo and the hot springs, and I instead chose that we would walk for thirty minutes in the drizzle to the waterfall. (Isn´t Nadiv sweet for putting up with me?) It turned out to be a great choice because the walk was on a paved road, through a jungly neighborhood, next to rainforest mountains. There was lush greenery all around us. There was almost no one on the road except for us. El Macho was large and loud and everything that you expect a waterfall to be. It was a beautiful spot and I got to pee in the woods next to it.

For lunner (lunch/dinner ?) I got a salad and fries at a total local place. We played cards until the rain had almost stopped. It was sort of going on and off all day, but it was nice to take the ponchos off and sit down. The salad, though it only had three ingredients, was muy refrescado (is that a word? We have been using it a lot.), and the fries were delish. Also I whooped Nadiv´s butt for three games in a row but then he beat me on the next few rounds.

Then, our plan was to take a nap and go out to dinner and drinking after. We woke up at eight in the pitch black and made a mutual decision to not leave the room. After watching several episodes of 30 Rock on Panama TV (I know!!!), Nadiv went to get food at the only open place in town -- a Canadian bar. We ate in front of the TV and slept with frogs chirping all night long.