I PETTED A LION!! This is the most exciting thing on the safari! Plus we got charged by an elephant! Plus we saw rhinos! And springbok! And ostrich! And zebras! And Elands! And buffalo! And some boring birds!
Here are some things I learned on our safari trip:
The Cape Buffalo is the most dangerous of the Big 5 animals.
Rhinos use their second, smaller horn to protect their eyes when fighting.
Rhino poop does not smell like shit. (It does not smell like anything, actually, because it is made up of dried grass and not much else.)
An elephant will give a warning before it charges you. If it swipes its trunk across the ground in front of you, it means business.
Frances James has not lived for 64 years to be trampled by an elephant.
Our guide, Dennis, is super hot.
An elephant penis can weigh up to 68 kilos.
Dennis is as big as an elephant penis.
A lion's fur is soft like a house cat.
Zebras are gray when they are born, and develop their stripes as they age.
Springbok are like gazelles in that they are small and graceful and their hind legs are longer than their front legs, but unlike gazelles, when they run, they actually spring up into the air kind of like a kangaroo. I heart gazelles and now I heart springbok. (When you say “springbok,” you must roll your “r” and pronounce “bok” with a shortened “o” as if you have a South African accent. “Sprrrrrringbuk.”
Springbok never drink water; they get their moisture from plants and dew.
Casey and Liz are super great safari partners. We totally rocked the front seat.
Ostrich have super sharp claws on their feet that can tear your torso apart.
It is preferable to be stomped on and pecked at by an ostrich than to fight it standing up and risk being clawed open.
Dennis was attached by an ostrich once on a walking safari and he had to spend seven days in the hospital. He chose to get stomped on but forgot about the power of the beak. He suffered broken ribs.
Eating springbok gives some people who shall remain nameless serious bathroom problems.
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