Dubai pt 2

The burka is really creepy.

Dubai is a pretty horrible city.

Now that we have these generalizations out of the way, I can describe my amazing Dubai day with Sean and Julie. We landed at the tender temperature of 105 degrees, and by the time our bus comes and we check in, it is a full blown 115! Breakfast in the hotel cafe was uninspiring.

After several misadventures with the ATM, maps, taxi, and a change of pants, Sean and I set out for the tallest building in the world, the Burj Khalifa. But first, we had to walk through the biggest mall in the world, Dubai Mall. Both are incredibly large and incredibly empty. (Ramadan!) Sean shows off his clumsy side by somehow dropping his sunglasses and simultaneously spilling his water bottle all over the floor when I handed him a single Mento.

Burj Khalifa's infographic displays are quite masturbatory. "The best, the best, the best, we are the best, please!!!" they seem to scream. The Burj Khalifa employs at least fifty Asian men and women, each of whom is assigned a very specific duty. For example, there is the woman whose job it is to point to the elevator, where we are met by a fellow whose job it is to press the elevator button, introducing us to the elevator operator himself. Upon reaching the 124th floor, we pass by the revolving-door window-wiper. A lady forcefully directs us in posing for some very awkward photos. (Are we allowed to touch in photographs in Dubai? It's funnier if we just stand side-by-side.) We are two of five people on the top deck today, so all this cleaning and hosting seems a bit superfluous.

The view from the top is dusty and hazy and rather limited. Besides the pool directly below us, (124 floors below us,) everything looks tan. Grayish, yellowish, tan. We can just barely make out the "Antarctica" sand bar at the base of the "World Islands." The skyscrapers to our north look empty. The barren desert to our west looks sad. We are high up in the sky but there is nothing to see.

So then the next rational thing to do is eat. We find a candy stand and then a grocery store in the mall and head back to the hotel to eat (can't eat in public! Ramadan!) and pick up Julie. It is fucking hot.

Julie is waiting in our hotel room, watching the sports channel because it displays the time on the bottom left corner of the screen and our hotel room DOES NOT HAVE A CLOCK. We are seriously slumming. After we gorge, we go downstairs to the cafe and have a "light refreshment." Sean gets in trouble for walking across the room to the lunch display because we have only paid for light refreshments.

Spice souk! I buy some aquarium rock chocolate candies, mint crystals, and cinnamon. Julie and Sean buy a lot of real spices that I cannot personally handle, like pepper and cumin. One merchant lets me be his "assistant" and handle his "money" for his "sales" with "Americans" who are not very good at "bargaining." I take some pictures of the bright blue indigo, which I very much want to purchase, only I cannot think of a single use.

After the best hour-long nap of my life, we reconvene in the hotel lobby donning our "What Would Sue Do" tshirts. Everybody loves them, including Sue herself. We take ourselves and our tshirts on a dinner cruise on an old spice boat on the Dubai Creek. Our tour guide tells us proudly that it is "the only natural thing in Dubai." I am not alone when I think that is depressing. Dubai is like Las Vegas without the people and the fun and the electricity.

We have three hours at the airport before our plane boards and I spend it all with Sean. We do some races on the moving walkways (running the wrong way, of course), stretching, buying water for everyone and their mother, visiting the pharmacy twice, changing over our money, and otherwise being ridiculous. It is crazy fun.

On the plane, I pop a Dramamine and sleep for eleven hours. I am out from before take-off until Seattle. Even I am impressed. I have just enough time to walk a few laps and watch a crappy movie before we land. Passport, baggage, customs, and we're through!